Bullying – what it is, what to look for and how you can help

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    Shreveport, LA (KTBS) — Bullying by definition is unwanted, usually repeated, intentional aggressive behavior that shifts the balance of power.

“It’s that intentional proportion of power that puts one person down and makes the other person feel powerful,” said Dr. Greg Brown, child and adolescent psychiatrist.

The underlying cause of bullying? Insecurity.

“Kids that are bullies have their own issues with self-esteem and insecurity,” said Brown. “It’s the idea that they’re not okay with themselves, ‘so I’ll push myself up one notch in my power structure by making somebody else feel miserable.’”

Bullying is a common problem. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, about 20% of students ages 12-18 experience bullying nationwide.

Bullying can take many forms and can happen almost anywhere, including online, which means a bully has 24-hour access to the victim through social networks and texting.

It typically takes different forms for boys and girls.

“Boys might get more physically aggressive or intimidating from a power standpoint,” said Brown. “Girls more typically includes the exclusion from a social event or social group.”

In its physically aggressive form, bullying violence can be cyclical. Some bullies may come from an abusive home.

“And what have they learned? Power and control and intimidation are the way that you try to control others,” explained Brown.

In extreme cases, kids who are bullies may have mental health issues. Some bullies may have oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder. This may show itself in a number of ways.

“That would include blatant disregard for adult authority figures, breaking the law and having no problem with that,” said Brown.

Victims of bullying typically feel powerless to make it stop. They are at an increased risk for anxiety, depression, thoughts of self-harm and substance abuse.

Some warning signs that might indicate that a child is the victim of bullying:

Making excuses to stay home from school
Dropping grades
Self-isolation
Inability to sleep
Not eating normally or eating disorders
All of these could be signs that it is time to step in to help your child.

So what can you do to help?

First, understand that kids may be embarrassed or scared to talk about it. So, the first thing you can do is to provide emotional support and listen without judgment. If the bullying situation is happening at school, you should work with administrators and teachers to provide constant adult supervision.

“But it’s not the best thing to bring the bullier and the kid who’s being bullied into the counselor’s office and have them have some confrontation,” warned Brown. “That will make the child who’s being bullied feel even more uncomfortable.”

You should encourage your child to travel from place to place with a group of friends. And it is always a good idea to seek the assistance of a trained counselor to help your child work through what he or she is feeling.

You should not place any blame on the child for being bullied or encourage your child to fight back. This can lead to further issues. Parents should also avoid contacting the other parents involved. It is best to allow school or other officials to act as mediators.

Above all else, take the issue of bullying seriously. If not addressed, the situation can get worse and last for years.

For more resources on bullying, visit the U.S Department of Health and Human Services website stopbullying.gov

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