Psychologist shares reasons behind Mother Day grief

EL PASO, Texas (KVIA) - Mothers day is marketed as a day of celebration, but some can end end up feeling a mix of grief and loneliness that according to psychologist Dr. Merranda Marin, is often caused by reminders of loss.

Dr. Marin says this time of year can remind people of the child or mother that has passed away, even saying these feelings can come from people experiencing infertility which make these feelings worse when surrounded by celebrations.

Dr. Marin advises that people feeling like this should deal with their grief by asking for help and using any resources at their disposal to begin processing those feelings of grief, something she says is more complex than just 'being sad'.

"It's important to recognize and honor whatever it is that you're feeling," Marin said. "Also, recognizing that grief is so complex that you can hold two seemingly contradictory emotions at the same time."

Dr. Marin talked about the duality of grief, when someone can feel sad losing someone but get a happy feeling when talking about them.

Something she says is important to shifting their perspective when it comes to loss.

"I think sometimes we think in our head it's about letting go and saying goodbye," Dr. Marin said. "But it's really more about how do I carry the relationship forward in a new way."

This is something Dr. Marin has seen in her professional career more often with women who have experienced miscarriages, saying one of the reasons people silently carry that burden can be due to a lack of discussion about the issue and even sometimes a lack of closure.

"If I've experienced a form of pregnancy loss, then it depends on what point in the pregnancy the child was lost," Dr. Marin said. "We may never even talk about it. We don't hold, funerals, usually for miscarriages. So it can really be something people carry that they don't ever really show because others may not know how to have the conversations to talk to them but feelings really get intensified on days like Mother's Day"

To celebrate a life lost before beginning, Dr. Marin suggests something like writing a letter to the unborn child.

When it comes to remembering and celebrating a family member that's passed, she suggests looking at old photos or even cooking their favorite dish in addition to telling stories about them.

Above all else, Dr. Marin says it is important to find healthy ways to deal with feelings of grief which she says can begin by learning that this isn't some that can be 'fixed' or something you can 'fix' for someone else.

"Sometimes the most meaningful thing that we can do is acknowledge the grief and just let the person know that you're there for them and that you're there to support them," Dr. Marin said. "Even if that means just sitting quietly with them, that can be really important too."