‘That’s the way a lot of us felt, that it was not real’: UMC surgeon recounts treating Walmart shooting victims

EL PASO, Texas (KVIA) -- Roughly two minutes: that's how long a trauma surgeon at University Medical Center says her emergency room had to get ready before patients from El Paso's massacre arrived last August 3rd.

"I immediately went into hustle mode. I immediately thought, 'I better get out there. I better prepare,'" said Dr. Susan McLean, surgical ICU director at University Medical Center and a Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center El Paso professor of surgery.

It's a day you can't fully prepare for and one you hope will never come. What followed for Dr. McLean were 28 hours she won't forget.

"I immediately thought, 'What am I going to have to do? What do I have to do to get this done?" she said.

Split second choices with life or death consequences. It's no wonder El Paso psychiatrist Dr. Sarah Martin says it is not uncommon for some medical professionals to temporarily place emotion to the side.

"The first instinct and the training really supports just getting the job done," Dr. Martin said.

Dr. Martin said for some first responders, the weight of the experience might not set in until it's over.

"It's different for different people, but in general, when you've been through something like that, you are changed in some way forever," she said.

Dr. McLean said that was true in her case.

"I went up to the ICU after we had made our rounds, after we had done our surgeries," she said. "I sat down and I turned to my resident who was in the ICU. I said, 'Hey, can you believe this happened here in El Paso?' She looked at me and she said, 'No. This is surreal.' That's the way a lot of us felt, that it was not real."

That processing continued for Dr. McLean outside hospital walls.

"What I did do is go out to the memorial at the Walmart," she said. "There was a sense of unity. A lot of community members had done beautiful art.
I think going there and then looking at all the white crosses, seeing the flowers and seeing all the memorials that people had made. I think that's when it, it sunk in to me more as a citizen and not as a physician taking care of patients."

"I remember walking away and I felt really somber, kind of weighted down," Dr. McLean said. "It's like, wow, this was so huge. So many people died. So many people were injured. It just seemed, it didn't seem surreal as much. Then it seemed more real."

Now, El Paso's medical professionals are on the front lines yet again. This time in their fight against Covid-19.

"People are exhausted," Dr. Martin said. "I know people are exhausted. Everything takes longer. That's more time spent working and less time spent resting."

Dr. Martin said health care workers can find strength knowing they are making a difference.

"It's amazing what people can get used to and what they can adjust to," she said. "I really think that the vast majority of people will be able to function well throughout the whole pandemic, even if they've been through hard things before, especially if they see the work they're doing is important and valuable to others."

For Dr. McLean, the patients she helped save on August 3rd remain a source of hope.

"All of them worked very hard to get better," she said. "Those people, despite everything they had gone through were just so resilient... I think over the past year, I learned that we can come together as a team. I definitely could not have taken care of all these patients and not any one of us could, but together we could."