Virtual support group gives veterans an outlet for profound pain
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ASHEVILLE, N.C. (WLOS) — Long after they serve their country, many veterans learn how they can be of service to each other.
“Everybody has a story to tell,” says Vietnam veteran Stephen Henderson.
During the pandemic, he’s found a way to make sure fellow vets aren’t left behind.
Every Thursday, Henderson hosts a veteran support group via Zoom.
What they share at the gatherings is often raw and compelling.
“It’s really helped these people, whether they get through the death of a loved one or whether they’re suffering with PTSD,” Henderson told News 13.
“The support group is actually pretty amazing,” said Tommy Cannon, who is a regular.
The Army veterans served three tours of duty in Iraq and was diagnosed with PTSD. The virtual conversations open up all sorts of emotions.
Gold Star Mother Anne Adkins was also logged into the meeting News 13 listened in on.
Her son Matthew was killed when an IED was detonated in Iraq in 2007. Friends who served with her son call Anne “mother.”
One of them called her on the brink of suicide, she said.
“I love you very, very much but I just can’t go on like this,” Adkins recalled. “I can’t live like this anymore, mama. I cannot do it, it’s killing me so I might as well kill myself.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea at all,” she recalls replying. “Because I don’t think that I can stand to lose another son. And there was a long, long pause. And he said ‘Mama, God help me, I didn’t think of that.'”
Thankfully, that vet found help and hope.
“Sounds like you were led to do the right thing and that’s great,” Henderson said during the Zoom call.
This is what support looks like in 2020.
“I’m thankful for you, Anne,” Cannon said. “You saved his life.”
He knows the profound pain of losing brothers in arms.
“You have these wonderful people in you’re life and then they’re gone,” he said.
“While he was on hold with the suicide hotline he shot himself in the head,” says Cannon, sharing the story of one friend.
He’s lost seven men he served with to suicide. The weekly meeting gives him a circle of trust he can share his pain with.
“At a drop of a hat I would have got on a plane; drove for nights and days to do anything for these guys. And now I don’t have a chance,” he said.
“Did you ever think about killing yourself?” Adkins asked Cannon. “I haven’t,” he said.
“Veterans that are alive right now are losing friends left and right. Since October of last year, I’ve lost three friends to suicide,” Cannon told News 13.
Especially at a time when so many people feel isolated, Henderson believes a routine conference meeting can make a difference.
“We found during COVID that a lot of people suffering with PTSD will regress back into the actions they were doing before they joined these groups; and they would get depressed,” he said.
The vets they can’t meet with via video conferencing get a phone call.
“We try to have a tendency to call each other; do buddy checks on each other,” Henderson says. “Because we found during COVID that a lot of people suffering with PTSD will regress back into the actions they were doing before they joined these groups.”
Back in March, Zoom seemed foreign. Now, they feel quite at home.
“You start finding out that there are more people; they’re in the same boat you are,” said Cannon.
Long after their military service is over, their comradery is a lifeline.
“I love all my brothers and sisters, and I just look forward to more and more meetings,” Henderson said as he concluded the meeting. “And I can’t wait until we can hug each other someday.”
For information about this and other veteran support groups contact Brothers and Sisters Like These.
Click here for more information on resources provided by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
You can also call the Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255
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